Kim Kirmmse Toth - Small Business Coach

Boomer Women: Blazing a New Trail After the Loss of a Parent

Our cottage on Indian Lake, Ontario

Our cottage on Indian Lake, Ontario

Isn’t it the strangest feeling when you last parent passes away? I have been fortunate enough to have 3 loving parents. My birth father, my mother and my step father were each wonderful parents in their own ways. They all left this earth in the above order.

As of several days ago I am a 58 year old woman, with no living parents. It’s just the oddest feeling. I also know that I am very fortunate that I had parents later in life as I have. I am blessed with that because I know many of you have lost parents much earlier.

Once the ‘to do list’ is done with figuring out estates and trusts, once household items are divided among my sister, step sister and step brother, once the condo is sold and other pieces of the “have to’s” are done, we will go on living our lives.

In many ways it will feel like I am blazing a new trail. I am the matriarch and with that it seems comes responsibilities. I am not sure exactly what they are or what that means yet, but I am sure it will become clearer over time.

Probably one of my biggest worries is handling our cottage in Ontario, Canada without any parents. They knew it inside out and used to be up there from Memorial Day to Labor Day. I just showed up and enjoyed. Now what? It’s a lot to manage from so far away. I am in Colorado and my sister is in Ohio. We have had this cottage since 1966. Trust me, it needs lots of work!

Do we do the needed work? Do we sell it? OMG. Just thinking of that makes me sadder than ever, but the alternative is a bit overwhelming also. And my daughters would shoot me if I did sell it!

There will be many decisions that I haven’t had to make until this time in my life. I will make them with the best of my ability at the same time knowing they won’t all be the right decisions. This is where I feel like I am blazing new trails. It feels extremely independent in some ways and maybe that’s simply the best way for me to approach this ‘new’ stage of life.

I know it will have its ups and down, I know I will feel great loss at the oddest of moments. I also know that this is part of life and that I can handle it. I am a big girl now.

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6 Comments


  1. Ginny
    Apr 01, 2010

    We are “The Orphaned Adult”, written by Alexander Levy. I will mail you my copy.

    It has been 10 years for me now. My step-mother, my mom, my dad, and 2 close girlfriends. I buried 5 people in 13 months.

    Do I still feel lost? Yes, many times I still do, because more continue to leave us. I hold precious, those I have today, because I don’t know what tomorrow will bring.

    To Kimmy, with love, from Ginny


  2. Bonnie McFarland
    Apr 01, 2010

    Sorry to hear of the loss of your mom, Kim. No matter how old we are, losing our parents is a big deal. My mom died 11 months ago. It gets easier & I still miss her.


  3. Kim
    Apr 02, 2010

    You have had many losses Ginny and all in close time periods.
    I look forward to your book arriving!
    Thanks Ginny, Kim


  4. Kim
    Apr 02, 2010

    Thanks Bonnie, maybe I wrote it wrong somewhere, but my mom passed 5 years ago. On Monday it was my step dad (of 30 years)passed. And as you say, I still miss my mom after even 5 years! They are with us forever.


  5. Tim
    Apr 06, 2010

    Dear Kim,

    This is my first time on your blog, and I’d wish to thank you for the invitation.

    I understand the loss you feel, I lost my parents in my early 20’s and it was devastating to say the least. But in all things, we learn as we grow in this life.

    In the book of Jeremiah, verse 33:3 scriptures tells us that:

    “Call upon me and I will teach you great and mighty things that you do not know.”

    We sometimes do not consider these times as a learning experience, but it is and always will be, and it has been the road less traveled, because we don’t like to talk about death and it’s meaning in our lives.

    What we lose is the physical presence, but what we don’t lose are the moments in time that matter to us most. They will stay embedded in our hearts for eternity.

    Call upon Him during all of your ups and downs and He will give you peace.

    Tim


  6. Kim
    Apr 20, 2010

    Tim, I thought I had commented on what you wrote but clearly I did not.
    Thank you for your kind words.

    Yes, it is all a learning experience and something every single one of us deals with through out our lives. It’s all part of the process.

    And live does go on but that does not take away one little bit of how much they are missed.

    Thank you again,
    Kim

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