Kim Kirmmse Toth - Small Business Coach

Whatever Happened to Al and Tipper After 40 Years of Marriage?

Were you surprised? I wasn’t.

I have written about this very thing over the years. I have written how there is a trend now that the majority of divorces over 50 years old are initiated by women.

I have no idea who initiated this divorce; Al or Tipper but does it really matter?

For many of you, once the children are raised and out of the nest, things change. You feel like it’s finally your time.

After all these years and decades of raising children and often working part or full time, you get a chance to discover who you are under all the responsibilities.

Have you taken the time to nurture you marriage as you nurtured your children? For many of you the answer is yes, but for many it just didn’t happen. Maybe there wasn’t time with too many responsibilities, maybe you simply grew apart.

Sometimes couples don’t realize how much they have grown apart until the children start leaving the nest and then really do so after college. They hopefully, go out and get jobs and live on their own. That leaves just you and your husband.

Then there are the “boomerang kids.” These are kids who as young adults still come home to live under your roof. Sometimes they even bring a spouse and grandkids.

Granted, this can work fine for some couples, but for many it merely extends the time of having to simply be a couple again. This in turn, may extend the time to realize how far apart you have grown.

What so many of you talk about is how you have lost yourselves. How you don’t know who you are anymore between being a wife and a mother. The lines have gotten so blurred sometimes that your own identity as a woman, seems to have disappeared.

Do you need to get a divorce in order to have this discovery process or can you do that within the boundaries of marriage?

For both adults to feel respected and loved there needs to be honesty and openness for conversations. Are you listened to? Do you listen?

Do you allow each other friendships with others and well as respecting time alone? Are you each given the opportunity and encouragement to pursue your dreams without the other having to be a part of them?

Beware that divorce is not always the answer. No matter how much someone, man or woman, may want the divorce there most likely will be feelings of loss, loneliness and despair after being a couple for so many decades.

This may be a trend. This may be a good thing for you or not. Divorce after decades, divorce when you are in your 50’s, 60’s or even 70’s may not always be the wisest decision.

Are you independent enough to live alone? Can you financially support yourself? Do you have good support systems in place?

Divorce at any age is difficult. Please take the time to make a well educated decision, not just based on emotions. You will be thankful in the end.

What do you do to keep your marriage moving forward? It takes more guts than it appears to make a go of it on your own after so many years of being a ‘duet.’

Choose wisely.

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