Kim Kirmmse Toth - Small Business Coach

What a Difference 14 Years Can Make!

I read an article the other day that really got me thinking. And that’s always a good thing right?

As I write this I am 64. Fourteen years ago I was obviously 50. Stan, my husband, threw me a huge surprise party, and it really WAS a surprise! Even my parents and my sister flew into town. Right until the moment I walked into the Community Center, I had no idea.

Since then I have lost both parents, retired from my therapy practice of 23 years and started a coaching business and lost my husband. My daughters have each gone through several boyfriends, one dog, Ms. Hannah, passed and Isabella and Bud III joined the household.

Today I still have the last 2 dogs, I have a successful coaching business and I am still in my home after 30 years.

I have way too many friends with cancer and more than several have passed. I hate cancer.

Some of what has happened these last 14 years is the cycle of life, but not all.


What it reminds me of is how much we don’t have control over our lives, but that said, we do. We do when it comes to how we take care of our health, ourselves and take responsibility for what is ours.

Here is that article that got me thinking by Lora Cecera. She said I could share it with you.

When you look back to when you turned 50, what do you see? I’d love you to share.

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  1. John Burik
    Feb 04, 2016

    What an interesting exercise, Kim!

    I’m looking back to 2001, some months before 9/11, and about a half year past our witnessing how precarious the U.S. election system had become. I’d finally become independently licensed to diagnose and treat, and had my first full time job as a bona fide therapist. After years of bouncing around in music, business, advertising, and even a short stint in defense contracting, I had arrived!

    Unfortunately, my status as a therapist didn’t translate into income, my Miata wasn’t replaced by a Porsche (as I had hoped), and corporate mental health was still a corporation with as much nonsense as the private sector. On the plus side, I had helped hundreds of individuals and families, and felt very good about that. Still do!

    I’ve since lost my father, aunts and uncles. My son and two stepsons are doing well. My mother’s going strong at 93. I earned a second masters degree, do private practice three days a week, and teach in a college program. All in all, not quite what I’d envisioned, but lots of good stuff.

    • Kim Kirmmse Toth
      Feb 12, 2016

      John, that IS a lot since you turned 50!

      And I knew about losing your dad and am so pleased your mother is going strong at 93. Wow, I’ll bet she has stories as well.

      Life is probably more often NOT what we imagined or envisioned but its what we get and we earned every minute of it.

      Thanks for your comment John.

  2. Ellen
    Feb 05, 2016

    Hi Kim,
    I remember my 50th well, as my mom threw a big party for me as well. Not a surprise party, because it was at my house and I helped her with it. At the time, my marriage was crumbling, my youngest son was self-medicating because he couldn’t stand to watch my pain and I was about to embark on a journey of self-discovery, hitting some of the lowest lows in my life.
    I just celebrated #54 in December and am thankful for the journey that I’ve been on the last four years. Not where I imagined myself, that is for sure. But I came to terms with the end of my marriage, took my mom on a great adventure in Europe – her last great adventure, as she passed away 6 weeks after our return. But I wasn’t done yet. My aunt’s (on my father’s side) dementia was putting her in harm’s way so I moved her in with me and my son and I looked after her for 8 months. She and her sister passed away 6 weeks apart. My son finally came to terms with his addiction and has grown into the wonderful person I knew was hiding in there. He has a very good job and is happy with himself finally. I have ventured into the coaching arena, having just completed my coach training. My oldest son has been very successful in his career in LA. I am sure there will be more bumps in the road ahead, but after the last 4 years, I feel that I can face any of them head on. I feel all these things happened (unfortunately in a very short period of time) to give me life lessons that I needed to learn in order to help others. And, to help me find that inner strength that I knew was there, but had temporarily lost. There will still be challenges – I had to put my beloved yellow lab Nelly down in December, as at age 14 she was failing. And just last week my employer announced that they were merging with another company. Therein lies the lessons: Savor the moment, because it will soon be gone and possibly everything else with it. Worry about and work on that which you can control. Work on relationships that bring you joy. Never be afraid to love. Happiness is a state of mind that you have to work at, just like working out and eating healthy.
    With love,

  3. Kim Kirmmse Toth
    Feb 12, 2016

    Ellen, yes, what a journey you have been on and in such a short period of time. And I must say, you sure gave your mom such a great gift before she left this earth. Lucky you, and her.

    The things we learn over are years are so precious, even though they may not be fun. At all.

    And as a side note I am oh so glad we are working together! You will be grand, I have no doubt, in your new business.

    Much love back,

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